united_one | FINALLY THE EVENT

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FINALLY THE EVENT

WELCOME TO THE RELIC CASTLE

I shall be your guide and snarky narrator - replying to most comments with a bit of humour - acting as your Game Master for this adventure though this castle. The goal? To explore and find the Dark Stone. There are seven stories, and you will need to get to the bottom. Please note that if we don't wrap this up by Halloween, the Pokemonfication event will still be happening.

How this is gonna work? There's gonna be comments down there. When somebody solves the floor, then the next floor will go up. Simple? I sure hope so!

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[Eridan hadn't been making much progress at all as he had been looking along the wall, the only thing he really managed to accomplish was nearly tripping. Fuckin rocks all over the place. Because of this he was in a slightly bad mood when he was called out to.]

What? Can't a guy look at a wall without getting his fuckin nook busted every-

[It was only then he took into consideration what she had actually said. Kittycat shipper cave girl was here?]

The weird cat girl? I know her. [He huffed slightly as he admitted it.]

[Despite not knowing much of anything about them on top of a total inability to pronounce their names, Paprika has to admit she finds these little alien kids pretty cool... That is, when they're not killing things. She trots over and deposits Nugget on the ground, who busies herself with rolling into a ball and looking very much like the food she's named after. Sizing the kid up, Paprika decides that she'll just refrain from mentioning that hipsters probably aren't any cooler on whatever planet he comes from than they are on Earth.]

She's probably around here somewhere, since they said everyone had to come... Is she, like, your sister or something?

If you knew anything about us at all you'd realize that it's an insult to compare something like me with aristocratic blood to some cave dweller.

[Since she doesn't know any better, he'll let it pass. For now. As one of those silly human things he was certain she didn't know much about troll customs. But it was Karkat's stuff to inform the humans of that stuff, so Eridan won't bother, he had better things to do. ~~And even if he dresses like a cross between a hipster and a super villain his wardrobe style is still awesome.~~]

[She is just going to give him a nice, blank smile and pretend that she understands.]

Well, the cave-dwelling bit explains a lot. Does she always, y'know, attack stuff outta the blue?

[The Ducklett incident is still quite fresh in her mind, and it's a bit weird to see kids running around mauling things, really.]

[Good, it's exactly that type of mindless agreeing that he thinks he should always get. Play your cards right and he might even think about sparing you when the time for exterminating all land dwellers comes.]

Seeing how she hunted down animals to kill and eat, yes.

[Oh, killing isn't really much of a big thing in their society, it's survival of the fittest and that stuff usually goes unpunished.]

[Unfortunately for him, it's moreso the fact that she's not the brightest crayon in the box rather than subservience. She's having a bit of a culture shock right now.]

Dude, don't they have, like, grocery stores and stuff over on planet troll?

[Sport hunting she gets, sure. But preteens hunting with their bare hands?]

[Culture shock, shyness, subservience, it's all the same. To him anyways. Now look what you did, he's feeling even more high and mighty due to the fact that he's having to explain these sorts of things to you. No wonder some other trolls liked talking with humans.]

Whatever that is, we don't have it. I've killed quite a lot of things myself. [Not with his hands, but rather with deadly weapons. Which probably isn't at all better all things considered.]

[Gosh, what a self-important kid. If she hadn't seen Nepeta do things that would give Team Plasma members small heart attacks, she might not have bought it.]

And your lusamajiggers are just cool with that? Dude.

[When you've been to Europe, you've done the whole culture shock thing, but this is a bit much.]

Our lusus, you mean? Of course they are! In fact, I ride my lusus while hunting. No one on our planet is opposed to killing. With the exception of a few trolls, but they're usually culled.

[And to be honest, killing to Eridan was fun. It was also for a really good cause, no really.]

So, what, are you guys like, Klingons or something? Or is that too mainstream?

[She went there. Ooops.]

[You know, he doesn't even know what a hipster is. Therefore he doesn't know he is one. So the comment doesn't bother him.]

Klingons? I don't even know what that is but I know we're not that. We're just trolls, aliens to you.

[Considering her rather evident lack of knowledge on the subject of aliens when they're not coming out of old movies or TV shows, she'll give him the benefit of the doubt on everything he's said, as bizarre as it is.]

So, d'you actually wanna find Nepetron, or are the two of you having, like, some cat-vs-fish feud going on?

[That'd probably be for the best, there's nothing in for him if he lies, after all. Only thing he's really trying to do is communicate that he's one of the superior trolls.]

Why would we have anythin like that? That would mean I consider her my equal and worthy of bein my rival.

But don't cats eat fish?

[Having run into two animal-themed trolls in a row, she's just going to assume that they're all like this and wonder what kind of world it is when fish are possibly eating cats.]

You're askin as if I'm her fuckin zookeeper. I don't care what she eats, even if it concerns fish.

[He's not understanding what she's trying to get at is all.]

[Oh, dear. All those non-mainstream dead animals he eats must have gotten to his head. She tries again, speaking a little slower, like one would to a small child.]

But you're a fish, bro.

[In her bizarre perception of troll culture, you're the fish. It's you.]

[He's starting to get a little frustrated with this, he really doesn't like the condescending tone she's using.]

I am not a fish. I'm a seadwelling troll.

[She's going to be disappointed about the lack of animal themes in the other trolls if she ever meets more.]

Oh, so are you, like, a seahorse troll or something?

[Seahorses are still fishes, genius.]

'Cause, like, Nepetron's a cat troll, right?

[She is going to be horribly disappointed, especially considering her love of puns rivals Nepeta's.]

No. Just a sea dwellin troll. However, my lusus is what you'd call a seahorse.

[Crosses his arms and shakes his head, so that's how this human was thinking.]

Trolls aren't affiliated with any sort of animal. The only reason she acts like a cat is because her lusus is a cat.

[Just wait until this guy breaks out the fish puns]

[It took her more than a little while to get the whole lusus =/= animal theme thing, but Paprika thinks she's got it now. Or at least she hopes she does.]

Oh, gotcha! So Nepetron is just a crazy old cat lady in training, but you're, like, a merman without a tail instead of a seahorse guy?

[Puns are just about her favourite thing in the universe, just as a fair warning.]

[See this? This is the face of utter disbelief. There is no way that you humans are this clueless. This must be a joke.]

No. You're looking at this all wrong.

[Of course, puns are amazing]

[Welcome to the greatest extreme of human cluelessness, enjoy your stay.]

Uh, how'm I supposed to look at it, then?

Well for one, stop tryin to associate us with certain animals. It doesn't work that way.

[He's starting to wonder if you're doing this on porpoise.]

No animals, gotcha. Just grey kids with horns who're aliens that look like animals, but they aren't.

[This is all in complete fincerity, she promises.]

[At least she's starting to understand it a little. Still a lot more to learn.]

The similarities are just coincidences. You'll see what I mean if you meet other trolls.

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