united_one | FINALLY THE EVENT

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FINALLY THE EVENT

WELCOME TO THE RELIC CASTLE

I shall be your guide and snarky narrator - replying to most comments with a bit of humour - acting as your Game Master for this adventure though this castle. The goal? To explore and find the Dark Stone. There are seven stories, and you will need to get to the bottom. Please note that if we don't wrap this up by Halloween, the Pokemonfication event will still be happening.

How this is gonna work? There's gonna be comments down there. When somebody solves the floor, then the next floor will go up. Simple? I sure hope so!

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[Considering her rather evident lack of knowledge on the subject of aliens when they're not coming out of old movies or TV shows, she'll give him the benefit of the doubt on everything he's said, as bizarre as it is.]

So, d'you actually wanna find Nepetron, or are the two of you having, like, some cat-vs-fish feud going on?

[That'd probably be for the best, there's nothing in for him if he lies, after all. Only thing he's really trying to do is communicate that he's one of the superior trolls.]

Why would we have anythin like that? That would mean I consider her my equal and worthy of bein my rival.

But don't cats eat fish?

[Having run into two animal-themed trolls in a row, she's just going to assume that they're all like this and wonder what kind of world it is when fish are possibly eating cats.]

You're askin as if I'm her fuckin zookeeper. I don't care what she eats, even if it concerns fish.

[He's not understanding what she's trying to get at is all.]

[Oh, dear. All those non-mainstream dead animals he eats must have gotten to his head. She tries again, speaking a little slower, like one would to a small child.]

But you're a fish, bro.

[In her bizarre perception of troll culture, you're the fish. It's you.]

[He's starting to get a little frustrated with this, he really doesn't like the condescending tone she's using.]

I am not a fish. I'm a seadwelling troll.

[She's going to be disappointed about the lack of animal themes in the other trolls if she ever meets more.]

Oh, so are you, like, a seahorse troll or something?

[Seahorses are still fishes, genius.]

'Cause, like, Nepetron's a cat troll, right?

[She is going to be horribly disappointed, especially considering her love of puns rivals Nepeta's.]

No. Just a sea dwellin troll. However, my lusus is what you'd call a seahorse.

[Crosses his arms and shakes his head, so that's how this human was thinking.]

Trolls aren't affiliated with any sort of animal. The only reason she acts like a cat is because her lusus is a cat.

[Just wait until this guy breaks out the fish puns]

[It took her more than a little while to get the whole lusus =/= animal theme thing, but Paprika thinks she's got it now. Or at least she hopes she does.]

Oh, gotcha! So Nepetron is just a crazy old cat lady in training, but you're, like, a merman without a tail instead of a seahorse guy?

[Puns are just about her favourite thing in the universe, just as a fair warning.]

[See this? This is the face of utter disbelief. There is no way that you humans are this clueless. This must be a joke.]

No. You're looking at this all wrong.

[Of course, puns are amazing]

[Welcome to the greatest extreme of human cluelessness, enjoy your stay.]

Uh, how'm I supposed to look at it, then?

Well for one, stop tryin to associate us with certain animals. It doesn't work that way.

[He's starting to wonder if you're doing this on porpoise.]

No animals, gotcha. Just grey kids with horns who're aliens that look like animals, but they aren't.

[This is all in complete fincerity, she promises.]

[At least she's starting to understand it a little. Still a lot more to learn.]

The similarities are just coincidences. You'll see what I mean if you meet other trolls.

[Man, learning alien culture is strange.]

I think you and Nepetron are the only aliens I've seen here, though there's this one other kid who knows you guys. We just texted each other, though, so I guess I just kinda presumed that she's a troll, too? D'you know some kid named Jade?

[He thinks the same of human culture.]

No, Jade's a human just like you.

[Pause, there's something that's been bothering him for a while now.]

And why do you keep callin that kitty cat shipper cave girl Nepetron?

Gotcha. Jade's a human, and you 'n Nepetron are trolls.

[Paprika blinks innocuously, having thought that she was using the right name all the while. Nepeta's never bothered to correct her, for whatever reason.]

Isn't that her name? Or something like that, anyways?

Exactly. You're finally understanding it.

[Under normal circumstances he wouldn't mind, but he just likes correcting you since you're a human.]

No, it's Nepeta.

[Yay for her!]

Whoops. She never said anything, so I kinda just thought that was right.

[Alright, let's see here...]

So we've got Jade the human who knows about trolls and all that jazz, Nepeta the troll, and...?

Unlike her there are some who make sure they're correct.

[And since he's a troll of royal blood, Eridan believes he's right all the time.]

And what? [He sort of forgot that he never introduced himself.]

Aw, she's a cute kid, though.

[Not that she can tell, though.]

Uh, and you, kiddo?

Then our definitions of 'cute' are very different.

[Pause.] I knew that. It's Eridan, Eridan Ampora.

[She shrugs.]

Culture clash?

[For a moment, she moves like she's going to shake his hand or something, since he seems like the kind of kid who wants people to treat him like an adult, but stops, figuring that's probably some crazy alien faux pas or something.]

Right, Eridan.

[Hopefully, she didn't botch the pronunciation too badly there.]

I'm Paprika--y'know, like the spice?

No, just common sense.

[He wasn't expecting her to get his name exactly right on the first time, so for now it'll do until in the future he corrects her some more.]

No, I'm not aware of this 'Paprika'.

[Gosh, this kid is a snoot. ...Kind of like her brother at that age, actually.]

Oh, well, it's just stuff you put on food to make it spicy, but I guess you guys just sorta eat it all raw?

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