united_one | 002 ♌ it's been like a month i think it's okay for nepeta to be this far despite my lack of posts

[The second that Nepeta found out there were birds on this bridge, everything just started to spiral downwards.

You see, not only has her beloved Leon evolved—a process she only sort of understands but has no complaints about—but she's gotten her claws on another kitten via a mysteriously-obtained egg. And of course, this little pink thing (a "Skitty", her Pokédex called it, but she's been calling it "Felicia") needs to learn the ways of the hunt, too! And so the unfortunate Ducklett who happen to wander by are their practice prey.

It's hard to find a good hiding spot in the middle of a bridge but fortunately, the Ducklett seem unbothered by the presence of others. In fact, Nepeta has just been crouching down near the side, ready to spring, beside her little protegees, and the second the birds touch down...

WHAM, and cue either a little alien girl or one of two cat things pouncing onto the unlucky creatures depending on whose turn it is.]

Leon, you are absolutely purrfect at this! Felicia, you have to be more quiet, next time, okay? If you meow at them, they'll hear you!

[Somebody please tell this girl that this is not how catching Pokémon works.]

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[Oh god this is like watching one of those National Geographic movies except with aliens and oh wow Paprika is not sure she needed to see a little alien kid mauling blue ducks.]

Holy balls, Nepetron!

[...She's not the best with names okay.]

[...Nepetron?]

Huh? [Apparently she fails to see the huge dilemma with this whole duck-slaughtering thing.]

[...Close enough.]

Dude, I'm pretty sure you can, like, buy food from grocery stores here still.

Oh, well, I need to teach my kittens how to hunt! [As if on cue, a Skitty is seen lunging towards another Ducklett in the background.] That's what a good lusus does!

A what?

[Oh snap did that pink kitten just maul another blue duck?]

Did you ever consider investing in, like, a scratching post and a few toys?

Er, a mom. That's what they're called here, right?

[Hell yes it did.]

But scratching up stuff is nothing like the real hunt!

Preeeeeetty sure my mom never taught me how to kill shit. I can make a mean fettucine alfredo, though.

...Actually, aren't you a bit young to be a mom, kiddo?

[The seventeen year-old says to the thirteen year-old. Being a high schooler comes with the territory of calling everyone within a five-year radius of you "kid".]

I'm not sure. Am I? [She isn't just being a smart aleck, though, she sounds genuiely curious.] I don't know all the diffurences between purrents and Lusi. It's not an age thing with Lusi! Or a species thing, either...

But either way, they— [And then cue a Luxio in the background successfuly plucking a bird from mid-air with his teeth.] —are my kittens! I'm in charge of them, right?

Well, uh, your parents gave birth to you?

[Oh my god is she giving The Talk to a little alien now? ABORT ABORT.]

I guess that's how kittens grow, so if they're cats, it's all cool. Dunno if that's really how you're supposed to catch Pokemon, though.

That's not how it works with trolls! [Is this going to turn into two separate 'the talks' about respective weird alien biology? That would be awkward.]

Well, I'm not really...catching them. Just teaching!

[She's just going to casually steer the conversation away from topics that might scar one/both of them for life.]

Iunno, I don't think those ducks like getting "taught" like this, man.

Well, they're the purrey, not the ones getting the lessons, silly! [Nepeta, you're missing the point.]

You couldn't use, like, wooden ducks or something?

...Wooden ducks? [Nepeta stares like Paprika just suggested she go around and start barking, just for a change of pace.] That wouldn't be anything near purroper training, though!

[She is trying to be understanding here, really.]

But you don't have to hunt here, y'know? You could just, like, go buy stuff at the store for these little guys.

["Little" being used loosely here.]

But the hunting is just purrfect here! These ducks are the best purractice I could hope for. And my kittens have got to learn the ways of the hunt!

[SIGH. Living in the city, Paprika's knowledge of hunting is by and large limited to flannel hats and Looney Toons, but she supposes she's just going to have to accept that some cute little aliens maul ducks and all that good stuff.]

Are you guys gonna eat them afterwords?

[Oh, god, what if she eats them raw? Paprika might have to tune out for that one.]

Of course! I wouldn't hunt anything that I didn't eat! That would be cruel. [This is, like, rule one and she sounds almost distressed about the mere idea of not doing so. And maybe she'll do something fun with all of their feathers, too.

Yeah, you might want to shut off the Xtransiever before alien girl post-hunt adventures commence.]

[Oops, did she just make an alien culture faux pas there? Quickly, she waves her hands in a placating motion.]

Okay, okay, just checking! Not everyone's so cool about it back where I live, y'know?

[Because she's totally an expert on hunting, yup.]

I'm not pawsitive if other trolls do the same thing with their hunts... But that was the furst rule that I was taught! [Even alien huntress catgirls have morals.]

You mean you all have to go hunting and shit? That seems kinda... Iunno, rough?

[Having grown up by and large comfortably in the city, Paprika can't imagine herself out in the alien wilderness hunting... Well, whatever it is that aliens hunt when Pokemon aren't the only option on the menu.]

Well, not all of us... My hive is in a place full of dangerous beasts, though! It's like the circle of life out there, y'know? And you have to stay on top! [She says this almost unnervingly casually. Little alien girls being forced to take down giant scary-sounding animals or die, no big deal, no big deal!]

[You get - one Iris. Watching in horror. Those poor Duckletts.

But then, she starts chuckling a little.]

You're showing them, huh? Are you gonna catch it? [Okay, so Iris wants one.]

[When she looks up, one of the unfortunate victims is dangling by its wing from her mouth.]

...

Yup, caught it! [NO NEPETA, WRONG]

002 ♌ it's been like a month i think it's okay for nepeta to be this far despite my lack of posts

[video]

[video] oh god loling

[video] she is not nearly smart enough for the ways of the Hamsteak

[video] understanding hamsteak is suffering

[video] being Paprika is suffering

[video] one day she'll figure this all out

[video] she is going to google something related to HS one day and her mind will be blown

[video] "EVERYTHING THE ALIEN GIRL SAID MAKES SENSE SUDDENLY"

[video] "OH MY GOD THAT STUPID HIPSTER KID REALLY IS AN ASSHAT"

[video] "WHAT NO THESE CHARACTERS CAN'T DIE I BRO'D WITH THEM BACK IN UNOVA"

[video] "HUSSIIIIIIIEEEEEE"

[video] one of us one of us

[video] nooooooooooooooooo

[video] can't escape it

[video] ;v;

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